Because your pandan cake left you dissatisfied: clearly this is what a healthy relationship looks like
tw: creepy old creeps who creep on teenaged girls. and abuse. Seriously. This is what abuse looks like
“I could keep you safe,” he rasped. “They’re all afraid of me. No one would hurt you again, or I’d kill them.” He yanked her closer, and for a moment she thought he meant to kiss her. He…
YES.
I’m absolutely horrified that there are so many girls and young women out there who think such abuse is somehow romantic.
FWIW, this isn’t about people who are consciously fetishizing the abuse and the power/age imbalance. I get that sometimes what turns us on in fantasy isn’t always something that would ever be considered healthy IRL. FSM knows I’ve written enough fic that has some borderline non-con aspects.
BUT. That’s not the same thing as what’s happening here. What’s happening is people—mostly young women, which makes it all the more horrifiying—mistaking abuse for passion. It’s people thinking that Sandor’s violence toward or Petyr’s manipulation/imprisonment of Sansa is “proof” of how intensely they love her. It’s people who have had their ideas of what love is twisted into something gross either by stupid media images along those lines (hello, Twilight) or some awful personal experience. Bleh.
News for anyone who may think otherwise: Anyone—especially someone who’s drastically older or has more power—who stalks you, physically harms you, makes you afraid or shows no respect for your relative age or lack of experience DOES NOT LOVE YOU. It may seem flattering/romantic to be “wanted” so much that someone is “driven” to such acts, but that’s not actually love. That person doesn’t actually want or love YOU. What they love is having power over someone they can control. They choose young or inexperienced people because they can’t easily control those at their own age or power level. They’re not choosing you as an individual human being with thoughts and feelings. You’re just an object on which they can work out their own issues.
This is especially evident with Petyr. Catelyn’s rejection of him made him feel powerless, and he’s been wanting revenge on her (and women in general) ever since. This is why he runs a brothel. And Sansa is perfectly placed for him to be able to work out his revenge fantasies, and for him to regain a sense of control over Catelyn he otherwise never had. He doesn’t love Sansa; he’s using her to satisfy his own feelings of inadequacy related to her mother.
And Sandor … ugh. Yes, he’s a tragic figure. He’s a Frankenstein’s monster, created by his even-more-horrid brother. But that does NOT excuse physically abusing a teenage girl, and said teenage girl’s “love” is not going to heal him. He’s not a sad, abused animal in need of nurturing back to gentleness by someone he can use as a punching bag in the meantime. While his reasons for choosing Sansa are rather inelegant in comparison, they’re still the same as Petyr’s: he’s exercising control over someone weak, because he lacks control in his own life, and doesn’t have the ability to stand up to the people who have harmed him. It’s classic abuse transference: you can’t fight against your abuser, so you choose someone weaker on whom to vent your anger and frustration. There is no way to “love” someone like that enough that they’ll stop hurting you.
You want to know what real love is? Real love is someone who respects your boundaries, who cares about who YOU are and what you want and think and feel. It’s someone who’s equally happy to sit and talk to you for hours as to have sex for hours. It’s someone who remembers little things about what you like and what interests you, and caters to those because s/he wants you to be happy.
It is NOT someone who wants to restrict you in any way, and it most certainly is NEVER anyone who would ever use violence against you for any reason.
I have my issues with Sansa for various reasons, but that has nothing to do with how horrified I am by people shipping her with decades-older men who are bent on doing her harm. This is not romantic, folks. Please, please stop painting it as such.
- Posted 3 months ago
- Reblogged from thesavagesalad with
- 13 notes
- Permalink
- ASoIaF
- Sansa Stark
- Fanfail
- Feminism
- Domestic Violence
- Game of Thrones
-
thesavagesalad liked this
-
riot-nrrrd liked this
-
punkrockmuffinatrix liked this
-
glysareen liked this
-
textualdeviance reblogged this from thesavagesalad and added:
YES. I’m absolutely horrified that there are so many girls...young women out there who...
-
mumblingsage reblogged this from moniquill and added:
I thank God I stopped reading the books when I did. I don’t care how “realistic” this might be, and I realize the...
-
textualdeviance liked this
-
sxizzor reblogged this from moniquill
-
sanaa-tamir liked this
-
invisigothds liked this
-
ivannikolayevich liked this
-
moniquill reblogged this from thesavagesalad
-
thesavagesalad posted this
Main fandom is Primeval, for which I make dorky vids and write trashy fic.
Also into: Game of Thrones, Leverage, Warehouse 13, Fringe, Criminal Minds, Sherlock, LOTR, BSG, Lost, Sanctuary, Downton Abbey, The Hour, Being Human (UK), Eureka, Alcatraz, Grimm and Lost Girl. Among other nerdy entertainment delights.
